I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
