That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
