Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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