I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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