I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
