Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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