dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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