someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I supernannyed him into submission
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
