I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
