Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So vagazzling was a success
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