1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
