one might say we're banned from that church
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I could fuck to npr.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
