What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
