how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
