Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
