had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
