Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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