capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
