Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
