I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
