my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
