You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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