If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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