he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
