I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
