Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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