You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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