my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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