Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize