Fuck appropriateness.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
