I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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