I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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