epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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