Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
