you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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