I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
