He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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