I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
