So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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