Quick, to the slutcave!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
