OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
