wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
