i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
