they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
