Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
