Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
