well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
