i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
