Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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