Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
