Even the bartender felt bad for me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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