First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
