I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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