And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
