why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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