I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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