I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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