Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
