you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
