my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
