We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
