The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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