you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
