If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize